Tired of being humilated

It was really a fuck up week for me last week.

I know blogging something regarding work is against my religion. But I really couldn't take it anymore, and must write them out to clear up my heart.

I went to confront my boss last Tuesday. I told him I want to change department. He asked lots of unreasonable questions. I told him this job is boring and not challenging. And yet he can search any Tom, Dick and Harry to do the job.

He questioned me back: "What do you think that I do not need a graduate to do this job? Since I can hire anyone to do this job, why isn't any improvement going on in your process? You are thinking too highly about yourself, thinking that you are a graduate and cannot perform any jobs which require lower education. I am very straight forward. You haven't prove to me you are better than any lower education work. If you can solve the problem here, I will be more than willing to let you go, by all means."

My heart breaks.

First time I feel humilated.

My eyes turned watery. Hundreds of questions came across my mind.

Am I that poor?

All my hardworks are equivalent to zero since Day 1?

Are you considering I am still someone new? All those people are having like 10 yrs to 20 yrs of supervising experience. Is it fair for you to compare them with me? Well, frankly speaking I don't see they are any better than me.

Lastly he told me: "Before you leave a company, make sure you achive something before you leave."

What???? Hello... I have gone through the ISO and FDA audit. I setup the plant from zero. You call this nothing? Damn!

I really feel disappointed with this company and my boss. You are just being selfish when you told me I must solve the problem first before you let me go. You know that I want to change department, so you want me to settle the problems before I leave. How long? 1 month? 1 Year? or 10 Years?

I felt so emotional during that time until I couldn't concentrate on everything I do for a few days. Ever since that day, I feel like resigning everyday.

After calming down and thinking back, why should I solve the problem first before I go? Then someone will just pop up and gets all the credits?

Damn!

From that day onwards, I told myself:

Shen, you have do things according to your feelings and inner thoughts. You must stand up and do not let anyone humilate you anymore. If want to do something, do it for your own interest. Doing it for your boss or company is a stupid action. Choose a right time to resign.

If now I am granted to change department, I dont think I want to change anymore.

I want a resign.

I want back my dignity.