Lots of cursing

Abandon my blog for quite some time already.

Im too busy with work lar... Output, output, output... Everyday output. I cannot have a peace of mind at all. Even Saturday nights, Sundays, and Public Holidays I also need to drag myself to work. WTF.

And damn all those internets. My company has banned us from internet. Luckily my PC in the production is still having this service. And my house internet damn sucks. The internet was like on for 2 minutes, then off for 1 hour. It has been like this since last week.

Oh damn you Streamyx!

Oppss... Guess lots of cursing here. Ala... stress out myself ma ;P

Annie left two days ago. No one will bitch with me anymore. Too bad huh... She left for another better offer. What I can say is all the best to her and goodluck.

When is my turn?

22 Jan 2008
I passed my weekend with frustration.
Im wondering whether it is worth it to continue like this.
But definately continuing like this will only cause more damage to my relationship.
I couldn't forgive for all the things we had done to each other. I couldn't just forget everything like that. I cannot stop myself from revenge.
I know, this will bring harm.
I can feel myself not better than a carnivor.


24 Jan 2008
I am on night shift this week. Today is Thaipusam. And I’m working again. Damn.
I need to work on this Saturday night. Double damn.
I am having a headache now. And I can feel irritation deep under my throat. Guess I am going to have a cough soon. Triple Damn.
It has been a lonesome night. So bored. So damn sian.

Tired of being humilated

It was really a fuck up week for me last week.

I know blogging something regarding work is against my religion. But I really couldn't take it anymore, and must write them out to clear up my heart.

I went to confront my boss last Tuesday. I told him I want to change department. He asked lots of unreasonable questions. I told him this job is boring and not challenging. And yet he can search any Tom, Dick and Harry to do the job.

He questioned me back: "What do you think that I do not need a graduate to do this job? Since I can hire anyone to do this job, why isn't any improvement going on in your process? You are thinking too highly about yourself, thinking that you are a graduate and cannot perform any jobs which require lower education. I am very straight forward. You haven't prove to me you are better than any lower education work. If you can solve the problem here, I will be more than willing to let you go, by all means."

My heart breaks.

First time I feel humilated.

My eyes turned watery. Hundreds of questions came across my mind.

Am I that poor?

All my hardworks are equivalent to zero since Day 1?

Are you considering I am still someone new? All those people are having like 10 yrs to 20 yrs of supervising experience. Is it fair for you to compare them with me? Well, frankly speaking I don't see they are any better than me.

Lastly he told me: "Before you leave a company, make sure you achive something before you leave."

What???? Hello... I have gone through the ISO and FDA audit. I setup the plant from zero. You call this nothing? Damn!

I really feel disappointed with this company and my boss. You are just being selfish when you told me I must solve the problem first before you let me go. You know that I want to change department, so you want me to settle the problems before I leave. How long? 1 month? 1 Year? or 10 Years?

I felt so emotional during that time until I couldn't concentrate on everything I do for a few days. Ever since that day, I feel like resigning everyday.

After calming down and thinking back, why should I solve the problem first before I go? Then someone will just pop up and gets all the credits?

Damn!

From that day onwards, I told myself:

Shen, you have do things according to your feelings and inner thoughts. You must stand up and do not let anyone humilate you anymore. If want to do something, do it for your own interest. Doing it for your boss or company is a stupid action. Choose a right time to resign.

If now I am granted to change department, I dont think I want to change anymore.

I want a resign.

I want back my dignity.

Hello 2008!

GOODBYE 2007, HELLO 2008!

Time travels so fast. Another new year starts and hopefully everything runs perfectly smooth for me.

My 2007 ends with drowziness. I worked on the last day of the year until 7.30pm. Before the clock strikes 12, I'd already turned into Sleeping Beauty in my bedroom. It was boyfy who woke me up to watch the count down through S'pore channel.

I have been spending boring countdown these two years. Is that the symtoms that I am getting old?

I hope not!


Before any of my new year resolutions were made, I bought myself a new Nike walking/ working shoes which costs me RM270+. That was expensive!

I went to City Square. Well, you know, I cant go anywhere without bring something home. I bought a simple cute teddy bear Tee and a shinny butterfly belt. Awww...another RM50 gone. *sweat*

Through online shopping, I also bought four blouses which some do not really meet my expectation. Then another BIG bag was bought in SG not long ago. So this year, I spend lots of money on my shopping. *speechless*

I know I have not make any serious resolution throughout my life.

Maybe I should be more serious this year ;p




Before I starts off with my 2008 resolution, let's have a short review on my 2007:

1. I joined my current company end of year 2006. I was send for training at Batam. Stayed 12 weeks there. Overall I enjoy my Batam trip. Enjoy the food there very much especially Ayam Penyet and I am actually craving for more... For those who are going there, must try the Ayam Penyet and the chillie as well. You'll come back and tell me, si beh Shyok ah!

2. Got my first so called BONUS end of the year (which is actually my 13th month salry) and damn excited about it. Stupid xxx

3. Rent a condo in Bukit Indah. Spent few thousands to pay condo deposit, rental, a bed, a closet, etc. During that time, everything was fine with me. The location is strategic as there are so many chinese shophouses outside. Living inside a "pigeon hole" is also fine with me. Those were the nice few things I could remember. The rest I've deleted them from my memory. Bad for health.

4. Aiming to buy a new handphone for myself as a working gift. Until now, no handphone has been purchased >_<

5. Promise myself to prove to everyone around me that I am young and capable. This is a humilation for me. Talk about this later.

6. Temporary quit from maple life for good. Really good.

7. Bought a RM1000 two-way ticket back to Kuching for Chinese New Year and came back to Johor on the 2nd day of CNY. This is the shortest CNY in my entire life!

8. Had been swearing in and out and falling sick throughout the whole year.

9. Unable to celebrate Boyfy's birthday last year as I was in Batam while he was in Johor.

10. Rebond my curly locks and turning myself into a Geisha.

11. Bought my first property, a gold coloured car. Didn't manage to install a cool spoiler for it. It is the best thing ever happen in 2007 ;p

12. Learn how to differentiate and avoid nasty people around me xD

13. Work like nobody business in Johor after coming back from Batam. Stayed up until 11.30pm just to finish some stupid validation. And yet, HR refused to pay us allowance by saying that we are not suppose to work more than 12 hours a day. Damn.

14. Ate porridge as my birthday dinner. Sick sick...

15. Bought a pair of new spectacles with costs me RM300

16. Went to Kukup twice. Once with colleagues, and once with ex Tarcians. If comparing to the two occasions, I enjoy the second one more. I miss them. And basically I miss those great old time. Am I being naive? Am I still looking forward of turning back? I only feel being myself when I am with them. Haiz... *sob sob*

17. Dolly has been added as one of my family members. And she gave birth few times. Cheeky as your mother, huh?

18. Settled my PTPTN loan.

19. Have been spending more than 50% of what I have earn.

20. Went to Melaka with colleagues for makan-makan trip.

21. Went to KL with Boyfy and did some marathon shoppings.

22. Spending a bomb to perm back my hair to curly locks. And also colouring them to ashy red.

23. Puke few times after drinking beer. First time ever in Melaka and that was horrible. Second time after drinking at GP with boss. Third time puke on the spot with boss around the scene. Damn it.

24. Crazily obsess with Harajuku Cosplay. Bought a few knee length stockings and a piece of sailormoon's skirts because of this.

25. Brainless shopping and end up most of my items kept inside the "museum".

26. Move my blog to blogger.com :P

27. Investing oil in my stomach.

28. Working over the weekends and public holidays.

29. Went Raya Visiting to colleagues house.

30. Mentally stressed.

31. Go back to Kuching for quite a number of times.

32. Did some crime using Company's internet xD

33. Damn frustrated when hear phone calls.

34. Bought the biggest handbag ever in my whole life.

35. Involve myself in Anime.

36. Had an accident at KL and had bruises on my forehead and left shoulder.

37. Overcome ISO and FDA audits

38. Asked to change process

39. Learned some "Tai Chee"

40. Dolly gave birth to 5 beautiful kittens

Well, I think that's all for my 2007 review.

2008 Resolution

1. Build up my confidence level
2. Think first before I spout out my words
3. Slim down
4. Leave this sick company for another better company
5. Calm down
6. Beware of nasty people
7.Use money make money
8. Do facial treatment more often
9. Keep in touch with old friends
10. Set Up my own business
11. Get a puppy
12. Be a good lover
13. Spend more time with my parents
14. Use my money wisely
15. Spend more time for myself

~~HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my love ones~~

飄零燕

飄零燕

從前從前　曾拖緊母親手臂
童年童年　渴睡中她親面冚被
可惜一天　她竟收拾行李　沒再一起

何時離巢　長空展翅的小燕
仍然茫然　半路中雙親望不見
只好解釋　一家安樂如意　沒有多少

然而剩我一個
更加飛得堅壯　總算收穫
然而倦了　哭了
盼雙親再如初　抱緊我

蕩失的孤燕想歸家
處處雪　處處冷
降落到哪裡才是家
我必須要拍翼掙扎
習慣孤獨　長空中往返

飛出生天　我會怕　也會冷
對逝去童年仍念掛
漫天風雪　獨自招架
但再長大　還是會想她

男孩男孩　能供給愛跟關注
然而懷疑　最後彼此不易相處
多少相戀　終生不用情變　絕對保鮮

虔誠祈求　城中所有的小燕
無尤無愁　冷夜中雙親贈溫暖
一位不少　一家安定無缺　沒有紛擾

然而剩我一個
更加飛得堅壯　總算收穫
然而倦了　哭了
盼雙親再如初　抱緊我

蕩失的孤燕想歸家
處處雪　處處冷
降落到哪裡才是家
妳必須要拍翼掙扎
習慣孤獨　長空中往返

飛出生天　妳會怕　也會冷
對逝去童年仍念掛
漫天風雪　獨自招架
但再長大　還是會想她

蕩失的孤燕想歸家
處處雪　處處冷
降落到哪裡才是家
妳必須要拍翼掙扎
習慣孤獨　長空中往返

飛出生天　妳會怕　也會冷
對逝去童年仍念掛
漫天風雪　獨自招架
妳已長大　能獨個歸家
前路會掌握　寒夜再飛返

死性不改

死性不改

再见了我的宠爱　谁愿接受这种意外
你赞我天生可爱　不愿看着我离开
同伴也话我傻　喜欢受挫　宁愿情敌再伤我　

人天生根本都不可以爱死身边的一个　
无奈你最够刺激我　凡事也治到我　
几多黑心的教唆　我亦捱得过　
来煽风　来点火　就击到我么　
谁恋爱就多障碍　死性我不想改　
如我没有你的爱　我没法活得来　
情人的存在是我从来都志在　难在我拱手让爱

我怕可一不可再　难道你被爱都有害　
我确信天真不会错　威力会移山填海
同伴也话我傻　喜欢受挫　宁愿情敌再伤我　

*
人天生根本都不可以爱死身边的一个　
无奈你最够刺激我　凡事也治到我　
几多黑心的教唆　我亦捱得过 　
来煽风　来点火　就击到我么　
谁恋爱就多障碍　死性我不想改　
如我没有你的爱　我没法活得来　
情人的存在是我从来都志在　　难在我拱手让爱
*
*　Repeat *

Tom, Dick and Harry

Oh damn... I need to stay back this weekend to do OT. Another weekend gone.

David came to my company for interview today. They offered him the job directly after his interview. If there is a company hiring you without thinking, what do you think? Is that company really need your professionalism? To sad to tell the truth is they hire you because they need people. But not you.

To me, there is a risk working in this kind of company.

First, you don't know when they do not need you anymore. Since that they can just simply pick any Tom, Dick and Harry from the street, finding another new employee is no longer a big deal for them. When they finish using you, they will find ways to throw you out from this company. Don't you wish on the day when you hand in your resignation letter, your boss and CEO are begging you to stay, hence giving you a large increment? This is because they still know how to value you.

Second, since that any Tom, Dick and Harry can join us, means we are not professionals and we got no more value in the market. Currently my salary is more than what my engineering friends are getting. But in terms of value, who do you think are more valuable? Of cuz engineer la...

I already decided to tell my boss regarding my transfer after he comes back from holiday next week. I hope everything goes smooth.

God, I need your help again this time. I need your blessing just like what you gave me during my Scholarship Interview, Final Year Project Demo, work interview, and so on.

God bless.

Colourize

I just received my salary, together with my 13th month salary. Heard that we'll only get our bonus, increment and annual dinner in March '08.

Previously my plan is to apply for a transfer to Engineering Department after the increment. Because I thought that they will have the increment end of the year.

So I need to change my plan lah.

Ermmm...

Now is already end of December. Maybe I'll apply for the transfer next week. Is it a bit too early? Aiksss....

Then after working for 2 months, I'll tender myself around March after the increment (if I cannot tahan). Then I cabut around June to somewhere else or get my ass stick back to Kuching.

Hopefully Mr Wolf or his assassins won't came across my blog, or else.... Haiz... Amen la...

If you ask what is my feeling now, well, I'm actually a bit reluctant because ya know, I've been working on this stupid job for more than one year. Moreover, I put lots of effort in it.

But no choice.

In order to colourize back my painting, I need to change. I hope Mr Wolf can give me some colours from now on.

You can do it, Shen. Don't worry. Everything is just fine in front of you. It is YOU who decide the colours. You don't want your life to be that dule, eh?

So Shen, move forward bravely.

Gambatteh!!